CleverNews
The e-newsletter to help you coach yourself
from Clever Fox and Kathleen Alexander
This Issue: What You Need To First Know To Make A Decision
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Hamlet struggled with them. 
Alice was taught a lesson in it in Wonderland
In an interview with Parkinson, Tony Blair said his job was
primarily one of making them.
 
I'm taking about decisions. Like it or not, we all have to make them. 
 
Some people seem to possess good intuitive skills which enable them
to evaluate the pros and cons quickly, and then take a course of
action.   Others agonise over everyday decisions like what to wear,
whether to order the chicken curry or crispy noodles for dinner,
and which shade of red (Carnal, Deep Passion or Shimmering Sunset)
would suit their lips best (I kid you not!).
 
The strategies people use to come to a decision vary from one
person to another. 
 
Some talk their options over with friends, and
in the process of hearing themselves, get the insight they need.
Some prefer to mull over their choices on their own.
Others may ask someone else to decide for them.
And yet others simply avoid making decisions (which in itself is a
decision) for fear of making the wrong decision.
 
So what's the first step to making an informed decision?
 
To find out, let's look at what the Cheshire Cat told Alice. Their
conversation goes like this:
 
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the
Cat.
"I don't much care where" said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long
enough."

The point the Cheshire Cat was making, which is central in decision
making, is that you have to know what you want. 
 
Every time I think of the importance of knowing what you want, I
can't help but recall a conversation some years ago with a friend
about her relationship that had just ended.  She said "When I was
younger, I didn't know what I wanted in a man. Now I know what I
don't want".  It sounded like a wise statement at the time...
 
But knowing what you don't want is like trying to make a cheesecake
with ingredients that you don't want, like peppers, spinach, or
cement!  It's not very useful.
 
If I could turn back the clock to that exact moment of our
conversation, I would ask her "But what do you want in a partner?"
 
If she said "Well, I certainly don't want a channel surfing, beer
guzzling couch potato", I would have gently flipped the question
around by asking her "So if you don't want a channel surfing, beer
guzzling couch potato, what do you want instead?" 
 
At this point, she may think that I was being smart aleck so I
would have to be careful in framing the question appropriately and
using the right tone of voice. 
 
She would probably have to pause to think about the answer and
shift her attention to what she really wanted, something she really
hadn't given much thought to. 
 
Then, she might say "I'd like someone fit and healthy" or "someone
who would spend quality time with me, and like exploring new places
with me".  Or whatever criteria that was important to her.
 
Now we're getting somewhere.  That's useful thinking. 
 
When you know what you want, you don't just accept anything that
comes your way - whether it's a business deal or a potential
spouse.  Instead, you will be making decisions and that will
ultimately make you happier.
 
Rule No. 1 in Making Decisions: Know What You Want. And if you
still find yourself thinking in terms of what you don't want, just
ask yourself "What Do I Want Instead?"
 
Till the next edition, all the best.
Kathleen Alexander
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